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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25716835">The Lily of the Valley's Walls Broken by a Gerbera's Gentle Touch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanakotsu/pseuds/Sanakotsu'>Sanakotsu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, all "injuries" are metaphorical, i projected so hard, mentions of venom and knives, they're so gay...</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:28:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25716835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanakotsu/pseuds/Sanakotsu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>#ChikaItaWeek2020</p><p>Tuesday, August 4/Day 2: Home / Family / Trust</p><p>You can't forget a place you used to call home, but you can reminisce and find a new home. Not to replace but to fill the hole the old home left behind. </p><p>Itaru makes Chikage feel a little more human than he believes he is. </p><p> </p><p>I SUCK AT SUMMARIES...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>ChikaIta Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Lily of the Valley's Walls Broken by a Gerbera's Gentle Touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I tried my best to tag it appropriately but I'm sorry if I missed something.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Chikage wasn’t supposed to get too attached, it would interfere with his job as a spy. He would most likely end up having to cut ties with everyone. But he did he really want to? April, of course, says yes. Chikage Utsuki, on the other hand, has never wanted to hold on more than ever. He finally found a new place to call a home and he doesn’t want to let go if he doesn’t have to. He’d do everything in his power to make sure they would be taken away when he could’ve stopped it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t even want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about romance. God, a monster like him liking someone else and them liking him back? Well, at least, the first part was true. He thought he could push away all romance-related things, they’d have no use for him, he’d only be tied down. In an attempt to stop these emotions from seeping out of him, he just continued to build walls until nothing could get in or out. Some days he just wanted to break them to bits, let them crumble like his past, but he couldn’t. Not alone... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anyone could view him from the outside and see this perfect person, never making a mistake. But within, he’s broken—more broken that people could even imagine. Destroying everything he touches whether they be physical or metaphorical. Objects are always replaceable. The ties he had with others? Not so much. Ties broken with every mask he put on, every facade layering onto the other, the walls protecting his heart growing ever so heavy. It’ll hurt when the sky falls, so he tried to build up his walls to try and stay safe. Everything within his grasp shatters into bits and pieces until there’s only remnants of what it used to be. Avoiding every shard as if they were glass ready to cut him up from the inside, only bringing more pain and agony. His past in small, blurred, fragmented pieces, everything jumbled around in his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did he wear his heart on his sleeve? Some say yes, some say no, others say it depends. It made him weak, vulnerable, so easy to trick. But then again, he was better at fooling himself than others, wasn’t he? He was willing to open up to only a selective few, people he knows he can trust. Sadly, his mind told him not to go to the same people more than a few times. Why? He believes he’ll be annoying, constantly going to the same people, venting constantly. So he decided to keep his mouth shut and his feelings locked away. He really shouldn’t be doing this... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just wanted to throw himself against a wall or smash his head against a table, he just wanted to stop thinking, to shatter himself like glass. But of course he couldn’t do that, it would cause too much concern. So instead, Chikage bottles up everything and puts on a smile—another wall to hide behind. He counts down for the fateful day his world crumbles down, leaving him more vulnerable than ever. Lies spilling from him like a some sick, twisted melody, words almost always laced with venom. Fears of making one wrong move, destroying everything he’s worked so hard to build. Like a knife slathered in venom stabbing into him every time he made a mistake. The pain increasing and worsening each and every time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The constant bickering he had with Itaru always made him feel at least a little bit better. Just being around him lifted a weight from his chest. They both had things to keep private and neither pried, they trusted each other enough not to. Chikage didn’t want to trust this much ever again, they could be held hostage, spill information, and it’s all because he let his guard down. He didn’t expect his walls could come crumbling down so quick, all because of Itaru. His mind told him to stay out of romance, his heart telling him to spill everything buried deep within. Itaru probably wouldn’t mind, he wasn’t the type to judge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s been thinking about this for a while, occasionally snapped back to reality by a yell coming from the other side of the room. Chikage would smirk, tease the younger man before him, he’d retaliate, and they would continue their usual bickering. They both knew it was all fun and games. Some days Chikage wanted to shut the idiot gamer up with a kiss but as if he could do that. After all, how could someone like him back? He’d only embarrass himself and run away from his own feelings again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, he’d eventually man up and just confess, he’s not some shy high school student getting ready to confess for the first time. He’s an adult, he can handle a rejection, or at least he hopes he can. He felt like a bird in a cage, submerged in a dark, cruel void. It was suffocating, he felt like he was drowning—choking over his deceptions. Thorns encapsulating his heart, climbing the walls of his facades, pricking him if he ever dared to sneak past. Ensnaring him like a moth drawn to a flame—only to be tangled in a web of lies. A cage built by him, locking the heart from the outside world and keeping everyone else far away. Leaving would only bring harm to those around him and inevitably lead him to his own demise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Chigasaki,” he waited for the blonde haired man to give a sign that he was listening before continuing. “How are you always so carefree?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sounds of a keyboard paused before Itaru turned around to face the older man from across the room. He thought about the questioned presented to him and merely shrugged as his answer. The green haired man didn’t get the answer he was hoping for and immediately thought of a new question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever felt like a bird trapped in a cage? With no means to escape but by your own hands.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Where’s this coming from...?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just answer the question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm... I used to...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Then how’d you get out...?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Imagine the cage you’re talking about, the first thing that comes to mind. There’s a door with a lock on it, you think it’s locked. But it’s actually never been locked, you could easily open the door, but you don’t. Why? The answer is actually pretty obvious. You don’t want to leave the safety of the cage, you could get hurt. The only way to leave is to let someone else in. It sounds counterproductive, I know, but hear me out. If you can’t leave by yourself, leave with someone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence filled the room as Chikage savoured every word. Itaru had a point, it’d be better to let someone else in. Should he let Itaru in? Perhaps someday... Today was not the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dreams of a field of pink gerberas reoccured, a figure standing before the sky with rich blue, pink, and purple hues with a hint of orange from the setting sun. A breeze blew by, wrapping around him in a strange warmth. The figure was very clearly [̶͚̖̖̩̎͌̐?̸̳̜̊͊?̴̻̇?̵̨̧̯̹̂̚]̴̩̚... It was obvious from the hair, their outfit, everything. And yet, when they tried to turn around and reveal their face, the figure vanished like the wind. No matter how many times he had that dream, he could never see their face, no matter how much he desired to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though the dream didn’t end there. The continuation constantly playing through his mind, more times than he’d like to think about. They were always of “</span>
  <em>
    <span>that place.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He always believed that August treasured “</span>
  <em>
    <span>that place</span>
  </em>
  <span>” more than anything, like the others did, and yet... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>December stood near the ledge, his back turned away from April. Small crunching noises came from him as he nibbled on gingerbread. April wasn’t very fond of sweet things but the smell wafting through the air hit him with a wave of nostalgia. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah... Smells like home... </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>July stood away from the others like the dumbass he was, a purple hyacinth held delicately between his fingertips. He tended to distance himself from others even if he did want to get closer. He described August like the morning sun</span>
  <em>
    <span>—</span>
  </em>
  <span>beautiful, full of hope, and spreading warmth to those near him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>August resting on the grass, his eyes shut. A yellow tulip laid on his stomach beside his hand, his other hand resting by his waist. It looked like he was sleeping. Keyword, looked. He was most likely thinking. He always liked doing that, thinking about random things for the “family” to do. He often described July like the shining moon</span>
  <em>
    <span>—</span>
  </em>
  <span>mysterious, powerful, and beautiful, bringing a chill to those around him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It always ended the same. A deafening bang resounded as July shot August, his earrings sparkling alongside the tears that poured down his face in the pale moonlight. A purple hyacinth and yellow tulip left behind side by side where August’s body laid. July fell to the ground nearby, sobbing uncontrollably. December plummeted into the suffocating void below, a bud sprouting from the ground where he once stood. The bud quickly blossoming into an anemone and swaying gently in the wind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The last one standing was a lily of the valley, appearing smaller and more fragile than it used to be, eventually wilting away. The flower turning a muddy brown and the petals fading into a gradient of its original beautiful, snow white color. The moon shone its light over the flowers, giving them a soft look compared to the blood surrounding them. As the flower held on the smallest sliver of hope to survive, he would wake up, forced to remember.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A fatal mistake. Why... Just why did he let it slip... A single conversation was all it took... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them were in their shared dorm room, bickering as usual... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, Senpai… Can you do my laundry later?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I already do, moron.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Perfect! You can do it again.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I would... But since you asked so nicely, I don’t think I will.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Minus 20 HP. Ouch. Do you hate me or something?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Not at all. I’m actually quite in love with you, really</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>—</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wait. You</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>—</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Chikage instantly shut his mouth and ran away. He almost never runs away. So why did he now... </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wait! Sen— Chikage-san!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Run and don’t look back. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He came back in the middle of the night. Not coming back would make everyone worry and he didn’t want that to happen. He carefully opened the door of room 103, trying not to make much noise. He was greeted by the sight of Itaru asleep on the couch, loosely clutching one of the pillows. Quietly moving towards the man on the couch, he got a better look at Itaru’s face. His eyes were a little puffy, though it didn’t look like he cried very much. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Sen...pai...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sleep talking... Oddly cute,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Chikage thought to himself as he draped his own jacket onto the blonde haired man. A small smile lit up his face as he turned around to get to his loft bed. Or at least he tried to. He froze when he felt a soft tug on his sleeve and a small groan come from behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I’m not leaving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence filled the room for a few seconds before Itaru spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey... Did you really mean it earlier?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...What would you do if I did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn around and I’ll tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chikage hesitantly turned around to Itaru, still on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Close your eyes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He saw a hand reach out towards him before closing his eyes and soon felt warmth emanating from a hand resting on his cheek. When he tried to question Itaru, he got cut off by a pair of lips brushing against his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the two pulled away, Chikage didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt the tears drip down his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spoke quietly, almost in shame, “A monster like me... isn’t worthy of love...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate to break it to you but monsterfuckers exist y’know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keyword: Supposed to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s two words, Chigasaki.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Itaru threw his arms up in exasperation, “Well sorry that I can’t count!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The usually reserved man broke into a fit of laughter while Itaru only stood there grinning. “So... Did I complete the quest?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm. I’d like to think you did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then where’s my reward?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chikage hummed in response and gave shorter man a kiss on the forehead. “Was that a good reward?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. You should do it again,” he says with a little smirk on a slightly flustered face. He was quickly pulled into a soft yet deep kiss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose love isn’t so foreign to me anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to finally have a player 2.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Chikage went to sleep that night, cuddling with Itaru, he had the same dream again. Some things were the same and some were very different. The field was lined with brightly colored anemones and a trail of purple hyacinth and yellow tulip petals, leading him to the cliff. The sky comprised of the same purple, blue, and pink colors, all mixed together with the rising of the orange sun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the cliff was a figure, a familiar figure, with flowers below them. An assortment of purple hyacinths, yellow tulips, anemones, and gerberas. When the figure slowly turned around to reveal themself, Chikage expected the dream to end, as per usual. But instead, the figure’s face was revealed to be... Of course Itaru, a giant grin was present on his face and he ran away from the edge and towards Chikage to embrace him in a hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A gerbera grew from the spot next to the wilting lily of the valley, its petals grazing the barely alive flower, almost like a comforting gesture. The wilted flower soon began to regain its color and stand tall once more. All thanks to the gerbera. A new home for the both of them was found that day, one filled with love and trust. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you for trusting me to stay by your side.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
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